Golden Citizen's Sunday 2009

This morning we honored our Golden Citizens with a special worship service and a special after-church luncheon. During our worship service, we presented them all with specially framed plaques that showcased the origins of their names along with a correlating Scripture reference.

The primary text this morning can be found in the Old Testament Book of Leviticus, chapter 19, verse 32: "Rise in the presence of the aged, [and] show respect for the elderly."

Among the more humorous comments shared in the service were the following:

What A Grandparent Is, according to small children:

A grandmother is a lady who has no children of her own, so she likes other people's little girls. A Grandfather is a man grandmother. He goes for walks with the boys, and they talk about fishing and tractors and like that.

Grandmas and Grandpas don't have to do anything excerpt be there. They're old, so they shouldn't play hard or run. It is enough if they drive us to market where the pretend horse is and have lots of quarters ready. Or if they take us for walks, they should slow down past pretty leaves and caterpillars. They should never, ever say "Hurry Up".

Usually they are fat, but not too fat to tie kids' shoes. They wear glasses and funny underwear. They can take off their teeth and gums.

It is better if they don't typewrite, or play cards except with us. They don't have to be smart, only answer questions like why dogs hate cats and how come God isn't married. They don't talk baby talk like visitors do, because it is hard to understand. When they read to us they don't skip or mind if it is the same story again.

Everybody should try to have one, especially if you don't have television, because grandmas are the only grownups who have time.

At a retirement home a group of seniors were sitting around talking about all their ailments:

"My arms have gotten so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.

"Yes, I know," said another. "My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my coffee."

"I couldn't even mark an 'X' at election time, my hands are so crippled," volunteered a third.

"What? Speak up! What? I can't hear you!" said a fourth.

"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a fifth, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.

"My blood pressure pills make me so dizzy I can hardly walk!" exclaimed another.

"I forget where I am, and where I'm going," said an elderly gent.

"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he slowly shook his head. The others nodded in agreement.

"Well, count your blessings," said one woman cheerfully, "and thank the Lord we can all still drive!"

The Perks of Being 50+

• No one expects you to run - anywhere.
• People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"
• People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
• There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
• Things you buy now won't wear out.
• You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.
• You enjoy hearing about other peoples' operations.
• You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
• You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
• You no longer have to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
• Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
• Your secrets are safe with your friends, because they can't remember them either.
  

  Other thoughts on Aging:

• Eventually we all reach a point where we stop lying about our age and we start bragging about it.
• The older we get, there are fewer things that seem worth waiting in line for.
• Some people try to turn back their odometers. But some have traveled a long way and they know that some of the roads weren't paved.
• Being young may be beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
• Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize each other.
• If we don't learn to laugh at trouble, we won't have anything to laugh at when we’re old.

Famous Last Words:

In the late 19th century, a Reverend Wright said, "Man will never fly. If the good Lord had wanted us to go up in the sky, He would have given us wings!" A few years later this same Rev. Wright's two sons, Orville and Wilbur made the first airplane.

In 1912, a newspaper boasted that “God, Himself, could not sink the Titanic.”

In 1945, Admiral Leahy declared, "The atomic bomb will never go off; and I speak as an expert in explosives!" No doubt this famed authority wishes he had never said those words.

One of the most amusing remarks was made by Lt. Joseph Ives in 1861, following exploration of the Grand Canyon. Ives stated emphatically, "The Grand Canyon is, of course, altogether useless. Ours has been the first, and will doubtless be the last party of white men to visit this profitless locality." Today, the Grand Canyon is one of the most popular National Parks. In fact, so many tourists come that they're trying to limit the number.

Points to Ponder:

• Winston Churchill was 65 years old when he became British Prime Minister for the first time, and he led the struggle against Hitler. At 80, he returned to the House of Commons as a member of parliament, and exhibited 62 of his paintings.
• Golda Meir was 71 years old when she became the Prime Minister of Israel.
• Grandma Moses was 80 years old when she had her first one-woman art exhibit, and she was still painting when she reached the century mark.
• Benjamin Franklin, at 81, skillfully mediated disagreeing factions in the US Constitutional Convention.
• When he was 89 years old, Albert Schweitzer was still the head of a hospital in Africa.
• When he was 92 years old, George Bernard Shaw wrote another play.
• When he was 100 years old, comedian George Burns was slated to play Carnegie Hall.